Cahit Ali

practically imperfect in every way.

When I first met Cahit, I was taken back by his energy, it was at a coaching workshop I was leading in London. I could feel his kindness from the other side of the room, his compelling presence and how he genuinely cares.

Cahit carries with him a blend of many things, for me what stands out is his charisma, care and compassion –  it’s impossible not to feel seen, included and valued when you engage with him in some way.

It’s easy to get compelled into a deep and meaningful conversation about something that matters, before you’ve even realised what’s happened! But it’s time well spent as you learn something viscerally about what it means to relate from the heart.

There’s a sparkle in his eyes and a sense of wonder with every experience that make it difficult to pull away. He cares about the shape of this world and the people in it. He cares about equality and that we should all have a voice.

Enjoy meeting Cahit…

Who are your 'people'?

“My people are seekers who can hold polarity and paradox as truth. We are searching for who we are becoming whilst standing in the completeness of who we are. We know that fulfilment can be experienced every day even though the journey to experiencing a fulfilled life is lifelong. The cup is neither half full nor half empty but rather always full and still yet to be filled.”

We understand that we are at once insignificant in the universe and powerful enough to make a difference.

“My people also know that we must act from a genuine sense of who we are, we strive to live a purposeful life and seek out our ‘why’ for the sake of doing that which is important to us. We want to have an impact and for that impact to be deliberate. We understand that we are at once insignificant in the universe and powerful enough to make a difference. Unattached to and still dedicated, committed to lives lived fully. Everything we need we already have, and I coach people to be able to access that from within themselves and in turn to create their own fulfilled and purposeful lives.”

 

What's the gift you bring?

“I bring my emotional authority to the world. I am able to feel my emotions and sit with myself in either my happiness or my sadness. I have enough range to be with others in their vulnerability with compassion and empathy, and offer vulnerability back.

I am not afraid of emotional openness and model exposure through how I show up in the world. I believe it is my duty to stay open and show others the true strength accessed from being vulnerable, by letting go of being right or looking good I connect at a more honest and intimate level.

I am really only beginning to understand the impact I can have when I trust the clarity that my emotional authority affords me. When I give myself permission to experience the full range of my feelings before jumping in I am able to make powerful decisions deliberately.”

What's more important than looking good?

“Everything is more important than looking good. Looking good stops us from playing full out unafraid of failure. So much of our world is photoshopped and edited into an idea of perfection and so even if perfectionism isn’t ‘your thing’ you are surrounded by plastic notions of reality which exacerbate fears of taking risk, failing and emotional exposure.

We are taught the right answers in school and conditioned into wanting to fit in. It is our fear of not fitting in that fuels a desire to look good and be right. Ironically by trying to fit in we never really belong because belonging requires intimacy and connection, and we can only truly create intimacy and connect when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable by letting go of looking good and being right.”

How has your pain shaped you?

“The hurt in my life has ultimately helped me build shame resilience, creating an open and connected life for myself. Shame had always been the thing that stopped me connecting to myself and in turn truly connecting with others.

When I was finally able to look directly at my pain, and understand the impact my shame was having on me, I was able to be grateful to the hurt for offering me a desire for and access to an awareness of myself.”

“Without the hurt I may never have gone deeper, the weight of the shame enabled me to throw it off; the weight of the shame made it necessary for me to throw it off.

My pain made me feel shame and shame made me search for something more, ultimately showing me I was enough, that I could be vulnerable enough to take risks and expose myself emotionally. Ironically feeling shame forced me to start building my resilience to it, simply put t was a case of sink under it or rise to the top and conquer it.

For me conquering shame is not finite but rather a daily activity. It is about taking off the masks that shield us and growing more resilient each day through an ability to be vulnerable, open and honest. Perfection is never the objective, to be complete is not to be perfection or finished but instead it is to be enough in every moment knowing that we must always still be growing.

This is another example of the truth found in paradox, and I believe that when we can hold both yes and no as truth we can be grateful for the hurt in our lives because we let go of the notions that things must be good or bad, right or wrong, and we start to see our experiences as information which we may have emotional reactions to and which shape us but ultimately do not control who or how we want to be.”

Tell me about your object...

“My object is a fossilised shark’s tooth given to me for my birthday by a dear friend. It is at once a symbol of our fragility and our strength.

It reminds me to operate by my design because sharks behave in accordance to how their bodies are made. They live and swim instinctively and intuitively. They trust their bodies and connect to their physical environment from the knowledge they access through the wisdom of their bodies.

Sharks have a reputation for being killers but they are not indiscriminatory predators. They hunt only when they need to eat, they hunt purposefully and not just for the fun of the kill.

They remind me that there is always a place for the direct and decisive, and that provocation is just as important as compassion. In fact compassion without provocation has no purpose; together they create the ideal space from which to grow.”

Closing thoughts?

“That my sadness is as important as my happiness, and both are at once complete and only components of my overall fulfilled and purposeful life.”

 

To have a conversation about coaching or anything else you’d like to discuss, get in touch with Cahit Ali in the following ways:
WEBSITE: www.cahitali.com
EMAIL: coaching@cahitali.com
PHONE: +44 (0) 7983959253